What Does Redemption Look Like?

What Does Redemption Look Like?

I though, it would be fitting for my first post to talk about what redemption looks like in the Bible, and what it has looked like in my life. You see, there have been significant moments in my life where I have stumbled onto the wrong path, but I could almost always feel God's hand pulling me back to where I belong. However, you're not always going to have significant moments when you can feel God guiding you. Sometimes, we have to wake up and choose to go back to God on our own. From time to time, God will allow us to carry on down the wrong path so that we can learn for ourselves how to come back home when we've traveled too far from him. It's times like these when you know in your heart right from wrong, but something tells you that you need to walk down the wrong path to see what it is you're hoping for. But things aren't always what they seem at the time. Those paths we wander down usually lead to death and destruction. By allowing us to walk down them every now and again, we are able to see with our own eyes the chaos before us as a result of choices. We are never alone in doing this, as God gently guides us back to him. It is in this senseless wandering, that we will see and learn the valuable lessons God wants us to learn from our journey.

My Redemption Story

I've followed down the wrong path many times in my life, knowing that it wasn't the way things were supposed to be, but thinking it would lead me to what I desired. One of my greatest stories of redemption started when I was 23. I had just given birth to our firstborn and beautiful baby girl. Our daughter had a lot of complications when she was born. This caused us to stay in the hospital much longer than expected because she required care in the NICU. Though she recovered much more quickly than the pediatrician had anticipated (praise be to God!), my heart had not. It's a shot to the chest when you give that last push and you're about to meet your baby girl face to face, only to have her taken from your arms because she isn't breathing. I am so thankful for the nurses and doctors that helped her, but it was on that first night there that I couldn't even be in the same room with my sweet girl while she slept, that I began to feel the dreaded tinge of the baby blues.

I had been well educated on the risks of Postpartum Depression, and I was well aware that I was at a high risk of developing it because of my preexisting battle with Bipolar Depression and Major Depressive Disorder. I knew the risks, but I did nothing about it. Months went by, and despite my doctor's best efforts to get me on proper medication for my condition, we couldn't get it right. I had begun to self-medicate with alcohol and it was interfering with the potency of my medication. The alcohol overpowered me, and I let it control my life.

In October of the following year, we found out we were expecting a sweet baby girl (our youngest daughter). I was able to knock off the drinking and antidepressants long enough to give birth to her, but on the way home from the hospital on that hot July 4th weekend, I had my husband stop at a carry-out down the road to get a celebratory six pack. It was on that day that I began my downhill spiral.

I knew in my heart that what I was doing was wrong. I knew how bad the alcohol made me feel, but I felt like it was too late for me. I felt like God had washed his hands of me and was so disappointed in me that I couldn't even be seen in church; so, we quit going. From August of 2018 to January of 2021, I made poor decision after poor decision. It got so bad that in January of 2021, my husband and I had decided to call it quits. I had no more hope left in my heart for my life. I was deep in the pit of addiction. I was overweight and too embarrassed to show my face to anyone. I had locked God up in a box and put him away because I couldn't stand to face the music of what my choices had resulted to. 

It wasn't until a few nights after my husband and I had decided to call off our marriage that God reminded me this; it didn't matter how far gone I was. He would always welcome me back home where I belonged. That, even me, a lousy mom, an awful wife, and a drunk had a purpose in this life. Boy, was I shocked when I found out what he had in store for me! There are some events of that night that I won't bring up in this post because they're very personal and require much detail. Even then, I'm not sure you'll understand. But it was through the Holy Spirit living within my husband, that he saved my life. God shined out, that night, when he showed me his love and compassion through the actions of my husband.

This was almost a three-year long battle for me. And in that time, I acted in ways that I knew were wrong. I jeopardized my marriage and my family and lost my faith along the way. I wasn't in my right mind. From the moment I started self-medicating, I had signed my name on the dotted line the devil had before me, and I allowed him to do his work in me instead of Christ. The journey to getting sober took several months, and in a couple of instances, I relapsed. But I never lost hope. In June of 2021, I had had enough. It was then, that I quit withholding myself from the Lord, and I gave him everything I had. I handed him the alcohol and the bad decisions, and in return, he put a call on my life that I could've never lived out if I continued to drink and make bad decisions; the call to preach and become a Christian author. The call to use the talents of speaking and writing, and the experiences I had been through, to help others who might also be struggling like I was. 

The Prodigal Son:

If we dive into Luke 15:11-32, we will find a beautiful demonstration of a father's love for his son. If you get a minute to read the parable, it really is amazing. But in a nutshell, the parable tells a story of a son who asked for his inheritance from his father and, in turn, left home and blew it all. He made poor decisions and was left to eat slop with the hogs or else he would've starved. He decided to muster up the courage to beg his father for forgiveness and, in return, he would offer to work for him in exchange for food and a place to stay. On the way home, his father met him. He was so happy to see him that he said to his servants "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found (Luke 15:22-24 NIV)."

This parable portrays a story that, instead of the son becoming a slave to his father in order to meet his basic needs in life, his father celebrated his return home! It is so important that we note this celebration. Not only was the son welcomed home, but he received more than he had imagined. He was ashamed to come home and had planned on being put to work, but instead he was greeted with a celebration, a new robe, a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.

When we look at this story and try to apply it to our lives, we can see that the young man's father resembles God, our Heavenly Father. The love and compassion that the father showed towards his son is the same as that of God the Father. If in life, we leave home to follow a path that is rather questionable, even if we follow that path around the world a thousand times, we are still never too lost to be found. Our God is a forgiving God, and though we make mistakes, if we repent and follow the path that leads us home again, we will be forgiven. Not only that, but the angels in heaven will rejoice and celebrate our return! God will bless us with more than we could've ever imagined.

What I Learned

In that time period, I battled right and wrong. Unfortunately, I allowed the devil to take advantage of my VERY vulnerable mind and play tricks on me. He told me that in doing the things that I was doing I would gain exactly what I was looking for in life. The devil will promise us a lot of things, and at the time they can be so tempting that we follow him right into his pit of misery. The choices I made brought shame and guilt onto my soul. This shame and guilt made me feel like I needed to hide from God. I mean, what could he use me for anyways? I was shameful, tattered with sin, addicted, and lost.

As I sit here writing this, the beautiful Sunday morning Hymn, "Amazing Grace", comes to mind. "I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind, but now I see." Just like God has a call on your life, he called the author of this hymn, John Newton, to put into song the love and compassion God has for us. This love and compassion are what save us from the wilderness of defeat and sin and cure the blindness we suffer from our wandering.

I sit here today, pouring my most painful times in life into this post, so that you may use my story as proof that God does forgive and redeem. If he can flip my life upside down, and do in me what neither myself, nor anyone else, saw coming, then he can do the same for you. I just want to take a second to pray for you. I don't know what you've done. I don't know what path you're on, or where you may be heading. I don't care how bad off you think you are, or how sinful your life has become. It is never too late to turn your eyes upon Jesus and come back home.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, 

I want to thank you for leading these brave souls to my blog. I pray that the words I wrote may bring them peace and spark a fire in them to turn towards you, if they aren't already working towards that. God, you are a forgiving, gracious father. You do not give to us as the world gives to us. You forgive our sins when we repent, and you make us new. Loving God, I believe that just like you did in my life, you will be able to use these sweet souls to further your kingdom, despite how far gone they may be. I pray that you open their eyes from the blindness they may face from their sins and see the fullness of your love and grace. I know that with every obstacle they're facing, you're walking with them, and that you'll continue to walk with them every step of the way. Be their strength when the stumble down the road to righteousness, so that they can march down the path of life in confidence and faith. Let them leave the death of sin where they are and carry them to the celebration of angels rejoicing their return home. Throw a new robe over their shoulders, put a ring on their finger, and sandals on their feet because we are about to kill the fattened calf! Father, I want to thank you for the privilege you've given to me to reach out to those in need of you. I pray that I have been a blessing to someone who is seeking a life much better than that of sin, and that you have used me to be a light for those in darkness. 

In your loving name,

AMEN!